I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
