he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize