i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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