Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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