i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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