I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
