we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize