I want to walk on stilts...naked
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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