I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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