He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
this is an emotional support booty call
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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