Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
