also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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