Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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