I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
