I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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