You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
