the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
