To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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