found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
