He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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