Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Im part way to drunk.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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