remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
