I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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