You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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