So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
