i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
