WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She bit a glass in half.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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