Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
