just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
