When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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