I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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