I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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