Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
