Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
