Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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