Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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