I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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