dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
