he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
