Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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