the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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