I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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