she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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