barbara walters just said penis...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize