my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
