a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
