i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just puked most of my soul out..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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