I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize