She announced her abortion via fbk
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
