K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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