Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
