I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
