This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
