He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So apparently I’m into choking now
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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