i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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