Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
