I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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