it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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