Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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