I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
