She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
