I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize