never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize