I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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