my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
