we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
