Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize