Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
