It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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