New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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