She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
