i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
