so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
