Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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