I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
