while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
