Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
