What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
