It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
