Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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