yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
