i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
