I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
