He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
do nipples grow back?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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