I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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