u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
