There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize