Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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