worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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