I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
