chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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