We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
