i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
