She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
