you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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