i just wanna soil my oats bro
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
