Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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