Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
