Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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