Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
