i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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