I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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